i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
did you just send me my own nude
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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