how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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