She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
