i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize