this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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