Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
