Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's blow job season.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
