Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize