wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
