I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
