Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
