did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
