i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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