I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
