I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
did you just send me my own nude
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
