Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
