im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
