If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
