dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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