I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
