I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
