Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
