he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
