it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Say something about gay babies.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
