I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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