Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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