okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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