I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
