remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
