don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Pants are for mortals
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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