you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
