We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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