Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
