wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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