i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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