my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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