i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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