We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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