I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
