he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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