You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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