Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
