Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
