watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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