Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
