If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
