i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
