He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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