and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
this is an emotional support booty call
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize