Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
