don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
