At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
