there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
