My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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