idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
