All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
