It's Friday. Sex?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
