THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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