We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
