I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize