Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
