Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
