You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
