sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
