I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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