you guys were way drunker than both of me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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