I think my vagina is haunted
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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