p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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