just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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