Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
