my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
