Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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