I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
