I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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