i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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