Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
