Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
