he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
